QUOTE (Rock 'n' Roll Soul @ May 10 2008, 01:03 PM)

What a good idea for a thread.
And with that said, I think I'm going to take a bit of a break from the board.
Here goes.
Most of you (actually none of you) know a damn thing about me, and that's been by my choosing. I have just been through hell with someone turning on me that I thought I could trust with my life, so I am not anxious to open up to anyone right now. I truly hate that, because I am about the most open person you could ever want to meet... but I have been burned so badly that I have had to change it all.
I'm sure the general impression of me is that I am some kind of deviant that is basically just interested in screwing David's brains out.
That couldn't be further from the truth.
I am someone else in that well known thread. Someone WAY more outgoing than my actual self.
I definitely care about DC as a person, respect him as a musician... I just don't think I've said that anywhere.
But as far as stepping away, this is why.
Friday SUCKED for me. It started at work... So when I get home, I fire up the PC, and get ready to have some fun.
Almost forgetting what Friday was.
David's day.
So what do I see but tons of threads running, full of understandably excited posts about all that was going on all day. I would have loved to have joined in.
But I couldn't take part in it. Couldn't watch, couldn't listen... nothing.
I should have been HAPPY for everyone here that was enjoying it.
I should have been HAPPY knowing how much this day must have meant to him.
But I wasn't. Because I couldn't watch it.
I sat here... feeling detached, isolated, alone, and about a million miles away from everything.
Letting it get in the way of what the whole day was about- a celebration in honor of someone who truly deserves it.
I know, its pathetic, its sad, and most of all, its selfish.
Oh yeah, and its unbelievably wrong.
I've been depressed all night and I feel pretty damn stupid about it.
I guess it was reading everyone's (understandably) emotional posts about how amazing it was to see that just finally got to me. I've felt that I could always jump right in to any topic on here, and suddenly there was nowhere to go. For the first time, I felt like I didn't belong here, because I couldn't be a part of it.
I was nearly in tears... everyone was so damn happy and I was feeling completely left out.
I am seriously pissed off at myself for feeling like this.
I am definitely thrilled that he got this day... thats what this should be all about, whether I got to watch it or not.
I am happy for all of you that got to witness it.
I just wish I could have "been there" and shared in the excitement with y'all.
Well, now that I've gotten that long and winding ramble out of my system, I feel a bit better.
I want to blame this on a total lack of sleep, so that when I wake up and see this later on, I'll wonder what the hell was wrong with me. Because I am so not like this.
You'll see...
oh wow *hugs you so tightly*
i understand about not being open to others because i, myself have have been hurt so badly once before and for a while i hated everyone and tuned everyone out, even the people who's still loyal and who loved me
after a while, i saw what i was doing and i stopped that selfish act, i was myself once again but that doesn't mean i'm going to start trusting anyone that comes my way, no, but i will keep trusting the other people that i have trusted for all my life
about Friday, i wasn't too happy myself
idk what it was but i lost it, i cried my eyes out and what's weirder i just got a job that i always wanted but i was feeling depressed
but i hang my head and let the tears flow because i know if i kept it in i would burst
i guess, sometimes, there are days that doesn't feel right or something had happened, you couldn't even tune it out and you dragged it along with you the whole day/week. that happens to me a lot, don't feel bad for feeling like that because we're humans and we could only be humans.
QUOTE (Em422 @ May 11 2008, 03:06 AM)

Thanks for the hugs. Congratulations on getting the job! That is so exciting for you.

thank you so much

it is exciting. i can't wait but am pretty scared out of my mind...