I found this on another board and thought it was HILARIOUS... it's kind of long but worth it to read through.


The shortest Books Ever

Dancing by Brooke White

Songs I Can Sing Well by Kristy Lee Cook

Humility by David Cook (with a foreword by Chikezie)

The Air Up There by Ramiele Malubay

Hair Care by Jason Castro

Lullabies I Love by Amanda Overmyer

My Top 12 Experience by David Hernandez

How to Get Better and Better Each Week by Michael Johns

How to Come to Terms with Failure by Carly Smithson

The Joy of Sex by David Archuleta

Mystery Unfolded by Garrett Haley

The Closet I was In by Danny Noriega (forward by Clay Aiken)

Orlando Bloom ain't got nothing on me - Luke Menard

How to Pick the Right Songs by Garrett Haley

Picking Up Chicks Made Easy by Danny Noriega

Be Yourself by Kady Malloy

Authentic Rock by Robbie Carrico

Good Looks Aren't Everything by Luke Menard (with a foreword by Amy Davis)

Being the Underdog - Carly Smithson

Sunshine and fresh air; A guide to the great outdoors-Garrett Haley

Getting by on personality alone-Kristy Lee Cook

I never heard of Chris Daughtry before I joined this show-David Cook

How to please Simon with your song selections-Michael Johns

A beginners guide to speaking French-Jason Castro

Memorizing Song Lyrics - David Archuleta

Life On the Dark Side - Brooke White

How to Win Over the Producers - Garett Haley

Leave Brittany Alone! - Robbie Carrico (with intro by Danny Noriega and Kady Malloy)

How To NOT Be Pimped By Idol - David Pimpchuleta

Tips on how to turn her on-Danny Noriega

When your family has no interest in your singing career-David Archuleta

I really don't like Michael Hutchence-Michael Johns

How To Knock You Out of Your Socks by Kristy Lee Cook.

The real rocker in me-Robbie Corrico

How to Keep you clothes on-Amy Davis

Idiot's Guide to Making Cute Faces While Singing - Carly Smithson

How to Piss Me Off - Brooke White

Standing Still - Danny Noriega

Dealing with depression-Jason Castro

My secret porn addiction-Brooke White

The Evil That Lurks by David Archuleta

The Art of Interviewing by Jason Castro

How to Blend into a Crowd by Carly's husband

How to Achieve a Hot Sexy Tan by Garrett Haley

The women I have gotten pregnant-David Archuleta

Dealing with shyness-David Cook

Body art is a sin-Carly Smithson

The Proper Use of Chapstick--David Archuleta

Staying Dry Under Pressure--Michael Johns

A How-To Guide To Great Speaking and Effective Communication--Jason Castro

The Calming Influence of Music--Chikezie

Goth and Me--Brooke White

How to Meet and Marry a Clean-Cut Guy--Carly Smithson

The Wonders of Rogaine--David Cook

How to be Extremely Naughty - Brooke White

How to be an Ugly Australian - Michael Johns

A Man's Guide to Heterosexuality - Danny Noriega with forward by Simon Cowell

How to Not Have Screaming Fangirls - David Archuleta

Tips to Not Forgetting the Words to Songs on National Television - David Archuleta

Names that Aren't Unique - Chikezie

Crossword Puzzles: A Learner's Guide - David Cook

How To Country-Up a Beatles Song Well by Kristy Lee Cook

i'm proud to be an american by michael johns with a foreward by carly smithson

avoiding sexual innuendos by kristy lee cook

why i love american idol by amanda overmeyer

keeping the judges guessing by david cook

elimination songs we havent used by the american idol producers

hating the beatles by the american idol producers

How to get voted off American Idol by David Archuleta

How to avoid the bottom two by Kristy Lee Cook

How To Put a Baby to Sleep by Amanda Overmeyer

The Art of Hairflipping - Jason Castro

After I got my Ph.D-Jason Castro

Embracing my feminine side-Michael Johns

The Arch Angels are my bitches Yo!-David Archuleta

Dealing with being too popular-Syesha Mercado

Guide to lush hair-David Cook

How to be a Real Hardcore Rocker - Robbie Carrico

Joking back to the judges without sounding perverted - Kristy Lee Cook

I swear I was not stone when I wrote this book - Jason Castro.

I hate my horse-Kristy Lee Cook

How to Keep Your Clothes On by David Hernandez (foreword by Caden- author's alternate-ego)

How To Work That Side Burns -- by David Cook

Blowing Someone's Socks Off -- by Kristy Lee Cook

A Guide To Look Like You Know What You're Doing -- by Jason Castro

Guide to keep an Oil-Free Face by Michael Johns

100 top Rated R Movies- Brooke White

The Quick and Easy Way to Success by Carly Smithson

A Guide to Great Hair by David Cook

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll by David Archuleta

Having the Perfect Macho Image: An Autobiography by Danny Noriega (foreword by Colton Berry)

Standing Out - Kristy Lee Cook

Uh yeah this is my book - Jason Castro

Oh gosh a book about me - David A

Britney better watch out - Kady Malloy

Dance Like a Pro by Brooke White

Showing Versatility- Co written by Brooke White and Jason Castro

How to rip off a song - David Cook

How to Be Original - David Cook

The Art of Arrogance by David Archuleta

Nerd, Me by Michael John

Stay Out of Bottom 3, Everyone Can Do by Kristy Lee Cook

Be Kind and Low Expectation to Your Children by Daddy Archuleta

Stay Wise on Radio Talk by Blake Lewis

Boys Don't Cry by Josiah Lemming

The Unsentimental Song Guide by David Archuleta

Movies With Simon Cowell by Brooke White

How I Broke Through The Recording Industry by Carly Smithson

The Art of Mud Wrestling by Kristy Lee Cook

Guide To Nailing The Interview by Jason Castro

Selections: Ballad Edition by Amanda Overmyer

The Power of Being Tall by Ramiele Malubay

Lost Your Voice? Fear No More! by Syesha Mercado

How To Find Yourself: Why Not To Impersonate by Kady Malloy

Things I Know by Kellie Pickler

Raw, Undiscovered Talent by the creators of American Idol

The Cosmo Girls' Guide to Hair Coloring by Amanda Overmyer

How to Control your Facial Expressions by Carly Smithson

Single Guy's Guide to Cutting your Own Hair by Jason Castro

Winning Fair and Square by David Archuleta

Bringing Up Kids with Love and Understanding by Jeff Archuleta

How not to be pimped on American Idol by David Archuleta

A Girl's Guide to Haircare by Danny Noriega

How to be a TRUE Rocker by Luke Menard

How to buy a home by Josiah Leming

A home is better than a carby Josiah Leming

Unsung songs rock!!! by Ramiele

The importance of versatility by Amanda

I love wearing too much clothes by David H and Amy Davis

my journey on the basketball team by ramiele malubay

tips on how to get your visa to go through by carly smithson

house decorating tips by josiah leming

Demure and Sexy Eyes by Kristy Lee Cook

How to skip to Third Base and Avoid Child Support by David Archuleta

How to sell 1000 cds by Carly Smithson forward by Corey Clark

The Art of B!tchfighting by Brooke White

How to Score a Slamdunk by Ramielle Malubay

How to Succeed as a Freelance Translator by Jason Castro

How to Be A Colossal B*tch by Brooke White and Ramiele Malubay

I Am Fully Cognizant of My Surroundings by Jason Castro

The Only Thing in My Cup is Coke. I swear it. by Paula Abdul

How To Sing a Ballad by Amanda Overmyer

Confessions of a Flat-Chested Woman by Syesha Mercado

How To Win Fans and Influence Voters by Kristy Lee Cook

Beatles Songs Done Right-Kristy Lee Cook

Public Speaking 101-Jason Castro

Idol Sucks...Get Me a Beer!-David Archuleta

I Wanna Be A Macho Man-Danny Noriega

George Michael's Got Nothin' On Me-Luke Menard

America Loves My Dancing!-David Hernandez

The Amateur-Carly Smithson

I Swear That I'm Unique-Kady Malloy

How to be Taylor Hicks By Chikezie Eze.

Quit Smilin' and Get Ugly Fool! by David Archuleta

I love puppies, rainbows, skittles, and sunshine by Amanda Overmeyer

I ain't in no Murray anymore' by David Archuleta

Simon is my hot hot sex by Kristy Lee Cook

English Dictionary: New Edition by Randy Jackson

Making Sense By Paula Abdul

Fashion Tips by Simon Cowel & Carly Smithson

The Right Time To Stop Talking by Brooke White

How To Concentrate On Your Job When Facing a Hot Blond by the AI camera guy

Great Songs To Get On Your Ipod by Ramiele Malubay

Man they don't pay me enough for this gig by Ricky Minor

"How To Not Look Like Condolezza Rice" - Syesha Mercado

The Top 10 Book Collection, A Must Have now featuring Bonus Judges Books

How to Find the Right Clothes For Your Body Type by Carly Smithson

Beginners Guide To Being Ugly by Michael Johns

How To Create Original Song Arrangements by David Cook

All You Need To Know About Dancing by Brooke White

The Ultimate Guide to Beatles Songs by David Archuleta

100 Reasons Why You Should Never Sing Amazing Grace by Kristy Lee Cook

Humility and Me, Why You Should Never Talk Back by Chikeze Eze foreward by Ryan Seacrest

Whispering, A How To Manual by Syesha Mercado

Entertaining People Made Easy by Ramiele Malubay

Speaking With Eloquence by Jason Castro

The Ultimate Guide to Proper English by Randy Jackson

Drugs Are Bad by Paula Abdul

101 Fashion Tips by Simon Cowell



"If these Pants could talk" - Micheal Johns.

A Collection Of Inspiration Short Stories. - Simon Cowell

10 Easy ways to improve your Public Speaking Skills. - Paula Abdul

Memory Charms: An Analysis- Harry Potter and David Archuleta

The Karma-Sutra Explained - David Archuleta.

Body-Language: An Insight - Dr. Kady Malloy.

Guerilla Guide To Interviewing - Jason Castro.

Dancing With The Stars: Tips And Tricks - Brook White

Singing On-Key by Amy Davis

Top 10 Places to Get a Tan by Garrett Haley

What Not to Wear by Carly Smithson

A Beginner's Guide to Mnemonic Devices by David Archuleta

How to Countrify Beatles Classics by Kristy Lee Cook

Public Speaking for Dummies by Jason Castro

No Complaints by Simon Cowell - a follow up to his bestseller What Kind of Fool Would Spend One Million Dollars on a Car

Hair Tips - Chikezie

Great Singing for Dummies - Michael Johns

Great Singing for Dummies - Ramiele Malubay

Ballads for Dummies - Amanda Overmyer

How to be Yourself - Robbie Carrico

Dealing with Hair Loss Gracefully by David Cook

Good Reasons to Vote For Me Apart From My Looks by Kristy Lee Cook (with a foreword by Luke Menard)

Standing Tall and Keeping Your Emotions In Check by Ramiele Malubay

How to Handle Criticism by Chikezie

My Journey to the World of Hardcore Pornography by Brooke White

Vaginas by Danny Noriega (with a foreword by Ryan Seacrest)

Coherent Thoughts by Paula Abdul

Useful Advice by Randy Jackson

Second Place by David Archuleta

Money Isn't Everything by Nigel Lythgoe

Growing:I Do It Every Day- Ramiele Malubay

Showers Are Good- Josiah Lemming

How To Shut Up Post Performance- cowritten by Brooke White and Carly Smithson

My Many Man Bras and Girdles- Simon Cowell

How Not To Look Like A 30-something Year Old Douche- Ryan Seacrest

Stank Is Sexy- Kady Malloy

The 'Fro: It Worked For Sanjaya- Syesha Mercado

My Trip To The Dentist- Alaina Whitaker

Proper Use Of Punctuation- Asia'h Epperson

How To Avoid Being In The Bottom Three Each Week- Kristy Lee Cook

Hahahahaha!!! I LOVED this! What's with all the comments on David's hair? lol

"I Am Fully Cognizant of My Surroundings by Jason Castro"

For some reason, that one KILLED me.

I was wondering that, too! He has amazing hair. lol.

These were pretty hilarious.

Didn't David say in an interview or something that he was running late to get his hair fixed? and then he said like "all 15 of them" or something. He makes fun of it too!

Haha, I haven't seen that one! That's funny.
When my mom and I were watching the show last week when they were showing his baby pictures, she said something like "He better enjoy being cute while he can, because that guy's going to go bald and his head is ENORMOUS." Hahahaha.

Having the Perfect Macho Image: An Autobiography by Danny Noriega (foreword by Colton Berry)

haha this cracks me up. I'll have to email it to Colton...he makes fun of himself all the time about that sort of stuff. He lives like 20 minutes from me...he does a ton of local theater stuff around here.

And your mom is probably right.

Our moms should get together and go bowling. My mom calls him Baldy.

lmao, they're all really hilarious but my favorites are:
The Joy of Sex by David Archuleta x]
Things I Know by Kellie Pickler
Coherent Thoughts by Paula Abdul
Second Place by David Archuleta

David's hair is kinda thinning hehehe. I saw that interview wherein he joked about his hair. It was kinda sexy seeing him talking about his ONLY flaw.
and what's up with this? "How To Create Original Song Arrangements by David Cook"
Whenever he sings a song, he cites who did that particular version. Just like Chris Cornell's Billie Jean and White Snake's Day Tripper. He never claimed them as his own. And the with rest of the songs, he did an awesome job arranging them.

lolololololol!!!!

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll by David Archuleta

A Guide To Look Like You Know What You're Doing -- by Jason Castro

LoL!

The Only Thing in My Cup is Coke. I swear it. by Paula Abdul

Making Sense By Paula Abdul

Beatles Songs Done Right-Kristy Lee Cook



The best they could do was bash David C.'s hair...lol..that's lame.

Blowing Someone's Socks Off -- by Kristy Lee Cook

ahahahahaahaha.

well, they seem just a teeny bit like they favor Michael lol

I agree with DavidCookLove-- the best they could do was make fun of his hair

I think we should add our own on here. lol

I Swear to Sexy, I'm not God -- Simon Cowell

How to Not Have Screaming Fangirls - David Archuleta

ROFL! LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA=))=))=))

"Things I know--by Kellie Pickler" had to be the best. These are hilarious!

I think David proved the "balding" rumors wrong with the new haircut. It's just his style folks, leave him alone! Well, it's true, they did need to pick on him for something and that's all anyone could think of.

How To Be Patriotic-By Kristy Lee Cook

Oh my goodness, these are hilarious!!!

ha ha, love those!

wow, I love how the only flaw they found in David is his hair.

How to buy a home by Josiah Leming

LMAO poor Josiah

those are great!!!!!!!!!!

the ones that made me laugh:

Orlando Bloom ain't got nothing on me - Luke Menard
How to Achieve a Hot Sexy Tan by Garrett Haley
The women I have gotten pregnant-David Archuleta
The Arch Angels are my bitches Yo!-David Archuleta <--- ROFL!
I hate my horse-Kristy Lee Cook<--- that one made me laugh out loud really hard for some reason... LOL
Confessions of a Flat-Chested Woman by Syesha Mercado
I love puppies, rainbows, skittles, and sunshine by Amanda Overmeyer
My Many Man Bras and Girdles- Simon Cowell <--- AHAHAHAAH!!


LOL !

LOL! there are amazing

OMG, all of the David A. ones cracked me up, especially the one about chapstick, and the joy of sex They were all hilarious, it would take way too long to list all of the ones that killed me, so I'll leave it at all of the David A. ones LOL

~Steph

oh my gosh, me too! my fave is "women I've gotten pregnant" by David Archuleta.

bahah! Mine too! My mom makes fun of his large head, and she said he's going to be bald in a couple years.

and I don't get this one: Dealing with shyness-David Cook