Okay. I really just need to vent. I need to spill it all. Spill the beans. And I have nobody to spill to.
And I don't know what you're all gonna think. You might just say "DGAF" or "STFU" or somethin...

But anyway...

Lately, I've been feeling different. Like I'm changing a lot.
And I'm beginning to wish my life was a real life fanfic.
I love the things. And they usually end happily. I mean, even with the drama there's always something. There's always a hero. Like David. He's generally the hero. And right now, I could really use a hero.
My life's dreams have changed COMPLETELY and my life itself has just become one big, boring blob.
I don't do anything. I never go anywhere. I have no money. I can't start college until Junuary. My high school diploma shows that I have reached above average standards and could get into any college that I want (in the state). I'm plenty smart enough for a better job. I'm a nice girl. I try hard not to judge.
But my life needs to change.
I wish SO badly that it would become one of these David fics that I read every night. Even if David Cook or another celebrity wasn't my "hero". I'm in love. I have somebody. But like The Classic Crime says "Life is old, but so short. We are young, we want more."
I'm lacking adventure. The high light of my summer will be the AI Concert next week. That's it. Then everything goes back to normal.
I'll never be a TV show host (which is what I want to be) because of my skin. That hit me today. It's been bothering me since.
Most people don't take time to get to know me. They walk away from me thinking "Oh, she's just a silly 14 year-old girl." I'm 18. And I can be silly because I like to make people smile. I look young. But I'm not that immature. I'm just lost in my life right now. And I don't know how to change it. I'm just undeniably lost and confused. And I'm tired of the way things are going.
I'm just sitting here praying that the band gets a name, gets a label, and gets big. The only way out I see is if Andrew's (my boyfriend) works out.
Nothing comes to mind when I try to think of a way to fix all of this. I've lost so many friends and I feel like I've lost my way. I don't even talk to my brothers anymore (okay, so they're 2 of my best friends, but they're family to me). I need them right now... Rusty always knows what to do. But he doesn't talk to me anymore.
My life was so different last year.
Now it just seems to be falling apart.
Andrew and I had shows every weekend. Now our dates consist of guitar hero and comedy shows.
This is boring. I can't do it anymore. I need a change.
And it sounds so lame, but I hope something happens at this concert on July 1st. ANYTHING that will keep me high on life until I figure myself out.

Does anyone have any good Cookie news or photos that could cheer me up?
I have a ton of them, but anything would help.

damn girl... I know exactly what your talking about


how bout this to make you feel better

yipee!!

Thank you! I love that picture!

You know what 2 songs fit my life PERFECTLY right now?
1. "Who Needs Air" by The Classic Crime
2. "Makeover" by none other than our David Cook....

hmmmm i love those songs =]

who needs air does fit rather perfectly tho =]

*giggle snort* ur welcome

Lol. You know of the classic crime?
I didn't know that anybody did!

It sounds like you need something new in your life ... a change or just a different way of seeing things.

When you start college in January, a whole different world may open for you, especially if you move away from where you live. Don't expect that to be a solution, but an opening to many possibilities. There will be new people to meet and different things to see and hear, and you may discover a different way of seeing them, thru psychology, sociology, literature, etc. (Or maybe a different world to focus on, if you like science) In the meantime, just prepare yourself to be open to the adventures that will be coming.

Did I read between the lines that you are a musician? Do you sing or play guitar? If I did, I would love to sing or play some of David's songs. (I can't stop singing them loud in the car.)

You sound creative, like a writer. You can write stories with your fantasies or keep a diary of these feelings you are having because you can use them later. Research where you will travel in 5 years. Or write songs that you can imagine David singing.

You are going to be fine. You just have to be calm and get through the rest of this year without despairing or making rash decisions or committing to anything you have doubts about. Enjoy whatever you can (like David) and role play if you need to. Make it a game; act like David would.
This time will pass and you'll somehow be better for having gone through it.
Click to view attachmentClick to view attachment
(Sorry, I'm on my laptop ... hardly any David pics ... but here's something different ... my Belgian friend in Thailand.)

Looks like the tour's gonna be fun. A video message from Jason:
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...ideoID=36958302

Naw, I'm no musician... anymore... I just sell band tees when my boyfriend has his band together.
Then when I'm done with that, me and the other girlfriends keep the groupies away...

Thank you for the advice! I appreciate it.
I've been doing a lot with writing this summer. And reading. I love the fics on this site. They're pretty inspirational and have me hooked. I'm not much of a reader, but I can't resist a fanfic.
I love writing them myself!
I'm trying to do what David would probably do. He may be my current celeb crush, but I also see him as a role model. He said himself that he enjoyed every second of the struggles he went through...

Thanks for the pictures! They're great! That elephant is so cool!
I'll watch that vid soon!

*offers a hug*

In a nutshell, life is difficult. We all have moments in our lives when we seem to be at a crossroads. It's hard to know which way is the right way and often times, we realize too late that we chose the wrong road. But life is about experience and trying. If we never try, then we can't accomplish one single thing. So my advice to you is to find something that YOU enjoy doing. Not something with your boyfriend (although that is okay), but something that you get excited about and that makes your heart soar and basically just hang tough, because as bad as today seems.. I'm sure tomorrow will be much brighter! Take care and keep your chin up!

**hugs** I'm sorry you are so down.

I could have written this exact post when I was your age.

Hell, I could have written it right now, at age 40.

Here are my thoughts, FWIW.

If I had to do things over again, knowing what I know now...(and OMG why can't we have our 40 year old brains when we're 18???) I would do things a lot differently. So maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

I love my family, I'm married with 4 beautiful kids. But when I was young that was my main goal. I wanted to get married as soon as possible and have a lot of kids. I felt like if I didn't, then I would end up alone. So I got married at age 24 and had my first baby at 26.

I have been a stay at home mother for 14 years. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world, but if I had to do it over I would focus on what I really, really wanted out of life. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to look back when you're older and regret not going for your dreams. I went the safe route, getting a psychology degree, getting married to a "safe" guy...but I guess I was too scared to take a chance on my dreams. I wanted to be an actress or somehow work in the entertainment industry, or maybe get into art (I'm really creative), but I got scared that I would never make it. And yes, we all need a plan to fall back on, but we should all be able to go for what we REALLY want. We only have ONE life. Look at David. He went for it and he made it. Yes, for him there are thousands of other talented musicians that didn't. But you will never know unless you try, and then there will be no regrets later.

If your dream is to become a talk show host, do not let the dream go because of your skin. You are young and there are so many things that can be done for that. Have you been to a dermatologist? If it's acne you are worried about, that won't last forever, at least not to the same degree. And there are all sorts of procedures to help with scarring...plus makeup works wonders. I have bad skin myself so I know where you're coming from, but PLEASE don't let that hold you back from going for what you really want. If you show confidence (even if you have to fake it for a while!) and charm, people will look past that - it's like an illusion.

I know what it's like to crave excitement, and I still do, constantly. That may be part of why I am so hooked on David...maybe I am partially grabbing onto his excitement and making it my own. Plus it makes my life a bit more exciting, even if it's only a fantasy. Life can be boring sometimes, EVEN for celebrities and the people that you think have the most perfect lives in the world. It's hard for us to believe that, but it's true...they are just regular people like everyone else (although what some of us wouldn't give to be in their shoes).

I write this with tears in my eyes, for you, and for me. It's so hard being your age, with all the confusion and the dreams. And it's hard being my age, with the regrets and the feeling that your young life is gone.

So please don't waste it.

Life goes in cycles. Yours is one and will last til you're in your mid twenties. StitchMeup's is another and that will go on for about 5 years, and I am in still another cycle at age 61.( Lord knows It will outlast me I think!)

If I have any regret it is that I didn't relish each cycle for what it was!

The boredom that you're feeling should be taken as a repose to gather your thoughts and search for what you truly want like Stich and Rhonda said.

And, if I may be so bold as to offer my elderly advice, Stitch, you should take this time and focus on what you'll do when those 4 wonderful kids are grown and gone. It comes all too soon, and you will then have much opportunity to get yourself back to all those things you wished you had done. Right now you probably feel like you're too old to do some of them but as you get even older, you'll find that there is nothing to stop you so you'll be emboldened to try, even if it seems impossible.

Good luck to you both, and for what it's worth, 60 is a cycle that I am enjoying even with all of its miserable aches and pains! I'm young enough to be excited about things, and old enough to not really care if I do them or just read about them!

MySonsASoldier, thanks for your words. It's so great that we have different ages on these boards. We can share our experience with others of different ages. I think that's terrific. And you are right about the phases of life. I hope mine does end soon and I find the happiness and excitement I long for.

I'm scared for the kids to leave, actually, even if my life becomes more about me. I feel like the house will be empty and it'll be sad. LOL I want excitement yet I want my kids to stay little. I want, I want, I want....selfish much? haha

Anyway I hate this mid life crisis thing. I am fighting back the tears now so my kids won't see me cry.

BUT...this post is not about me. It's about a very confused teen who needs our support!!!!

All of our posts are for the benefit of all who read them and we sure are fortunate to have these threads on which to lend support to one another.
Stitch, I know what you mean about the kids growing up. By far the most difficult of life's losses, but watching them pursue THEIR goals is as much of a joy as watching them learn to walk.
I hope your mid-life crisis is short lived and that all those damned hormones that make us nuts at that age, simmer down gently.
There is a light at the end, keep believing that and inhale the good stuff that's going on now. I have no regrets, but I'd sure like to go back to 40 just to live it all over again cuz it was so much fun!
Like wanting a second strawberry sundae or going to DisneyWorld a second time!

Good luck and hugs to you both!

ABSOLUTELY. I am terrified of feeling that way so at this point in my own life I am trying to be braver and to go for what I want and to hell with what everyone else thinks. I started a youtube channel in January, and I post vlogs every week, and it's great fun and support. It took A LOT of guts for me to do this, to put myself out there...but everyone has welcomed me so sweetly (just like on here!). I have about 170 subscribers, and to think that that many people actually want to listen to what I have to say is really cool, plus it's a terrific ego boost!

You need to search within yourself to find your calling - what you need and want from life. I had a hard time at your age nailing down what I wanted to do...but I should have cared less about stability and money and listened more to my heart. As DC says "if you don't dream big, what's the use in dreaming?"! And what you decide now does NOT have to be your final decision. Go with your gut and let your path find you, and it will along the way.

Above all else please don't settle - with a career or a man. Don't stop until you find something and someone that absolutely THRILLS your soul. I promise you won't regret it.

Listen to us wise old owls...there is much sense and wisdom in what everyone is sharing with you, and I am so glad you confided in us.

Everyone hits a point in their lives when they realise that the 'perfect' World will never happen. I spent years believing I could become a successful and recognised musician. But the simple fact is, I am just not THAT good! And in this day and age I have no where near the right looks to achieve it.

So I changed my perspective on things. Over a two year period I lost my best friend, my closest family member and my uncle. My boyfriend ran off with one of my close friends, I had breast cancer and I screwed up my degree.

But then, I worked hard did a teaching course and now co-ordinate a diploma in Music Practice. Sure I'm not a rock star, but I am training up the next generation of rockstars. I may still be single but I know now where the warning signs are. And I know to take life as it is, life. Nothing more or less.

I still have dreams and ambitions, but on a smaller scale, I guess a more achieveable scale!

Chin up, things will always improve. Once you hit rock bottom there's only one way you can go, upwards!

I definitely agree. And I really like the whole band thing.
I've wanted him to get out there and use his talent for a long time because I love the late nights, the people we meet, the bands I hear and the things I do when there's a show. Music is a huge thing in my life.
The shows are something that I really love.

And I know I'm young. And the advice from all of you has been amazing. I'm definitely going to keep it in mind!
I know what I want... sort of... I just don't know how to get there.
I feel like everybody around me cares way more about money and living "well" and all of that. And I could care less.
I don't care if my phone bill is paid late or if I took money out of my savings for a shirt I didn't need. And I don't care if it takes me a while to move out of my house. I just want to go to college. Figure out what I'm gonna do. And do it regardless of the money I make.
I want to see new places and make new friends.
I don't even want children... so far. Like, it's not something I put a lot of thought into. I've decided that if I do have them it will be when I've reached my goals in life.
Half the time I just feel like there's so much more that I could be doing that I knew how to do before, but not anymore. I mean, I'm happy to not be doing some of the things I had done...
I just don't know where to go with all of this. I know what I want, but not exactly what I want.

Thank you all so much for the advice.
My mom has said a lot of the same things and I think that's what made me realize how much my life is missing.
I feel like college is my only way out right now, but I'm looking for something else in the meantime.
It's all so stressful.
I don't understand how I can want something, but not know what it is.

But again, thank you. I'll really think back on all that you ladies have said. The advice is great! Thank you.

Wow, reading this post really got to me. I too am 18 and have been having these same types of feelings for awhile now. It seems like whenever things start to look up in my life and I think I'm finally going to become something, the world decides to slam me with another hardship. I can honestly say that without music I don't know how I would've dealt with some of the things I have been through. At this point in my life I have to agree that "Makeover" is one of the songs that describes my feelings. (Oh and thanks for posting about The Classic Crime. I checked them out and love it.) However, on another note, I found some encouragement through reading these posts. I think it was StichMeUp who made a comment about how we only have one life to live and, though we should have a backup plan, we should still go for our dreams. I am a writer and would love to try to make it in that industry, but I have been too scared of failing as this is such a hit or miss type of field. However, after reading these posts, I'm thinking maybe I should give it a shot. I mean look where David is now? If he can follow his dreams, I should be able to too. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.

Yeah... It's hard... I definitely know what you mean...
Music is my hero right now.
(And you're welcome about the Classic Crime. They're one of my favorite bands!)
I definitely have a backup plan. But I don't want to use it at all.
You're not rambling.
All of what you said was very well said. And it's good to see that there are so many understanding people on this site!

Yeah, I definitely would prefer not to have to use my backup plan either. I hope and pray that both of us can find our way and head down that path that is meant for each of us. Who knows in the end after all the disappointment and confusion, we may find that it has only strengthened us. I just know there has to be something out there in this world just waiting for me to come along and make it a little bit better and I'm sure the same is true for you. In the mean time it's just nice to hear that I'm not the only one struggling with these types of feelings.

I know exactly what you mean.
Nobody around here knows what I'm talking about. Nobody I know has feelings like this.
I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone now!

Yes, it is nice to know I'm not alone as well. If you ever feel like you really want to talk, feel free to PM me.